How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce

While divorce can be a highly stressful experience for everyone involved, it can be especially stressful for your children. For kids of any age, it can be devastating and confusing to witness the breakup of their family.

Divorce is a life-changing experience, and each person will react differently. Children, especially older ones, may respond with anger, detachment, or guilt, blaming themselves for the divorce.

As a parent, it is your responsibility to help your kids through a divorce. Knowing how to talk to your kids can help them cope with the transition, reduce their pain, and successfully navigate this stressful time.

Your reassurance and patience remind the kids that they can count on you for support, care, and stability. You can also try to maintain a good working relationship with the other parent to help save the kids the anguish of having to watch parents in conflict.

To help prepare your children for this traumatic transition, we've highlighted the five best tips for handling the divorce discussion: 

Talk to Your Children

If possible, plan to sit down with your children and explain to them what's going on. Try your best to make sure the conversation is open and straightforward, and do your best to be as neutral as possible. 

This can be challenging, especially if hurtful situations like infidelity or disrespect have occurred. Still, with a bit of diplomacy and patience, you can avoid pointing fingers at each other. Also, be respectful of the other parent when providing reasons for your divorce. Having a decent conversation can help reassure the kids that you are committed to putting their interests above everything else.

Be Honest

Your children deserve to know why you are getting separated or divorced. Talk to them empathetically and do not make them feel like they have to take sides. Keep the conversation as simple as possible and preserve the long-winded reasons as they may only confuse the kids.

Be compassionate and constantly remind your kids that you love them and will still be caring for them, regardless of how it ends. It's also important to remind them that even though sometimes parents don't get along, they don't stop loving kids or each other.

You may also want to address the new changes in their school, activities, and living arrangements and let the kids know that some things will change while others won't. But be logical and do not overwhelm them with too many details. Instead, listen to them, address their concerns, and preempt their questions.

You can help reduce tension as your kids learn to cope with stressful circumstances by providing a listening ear. Above all, reassure them of your love and support and let them know that you can handle any situation together as it comes.

Reassure Them That It's Not Their Fault

It is not uncommon for children to blame themselves when they see their family fall apart. This reaction is normal and is a sign of empathy. Even if you have been trying hard to hide the tension, kids will always think they are the reason for the problems at home.

The best place to start is to reassure them that this decision has nothing to do with them and that it is between mom and dad. Let the children know you are still a family and will love them dearly, no matter the outcome. 

Explain to them that sometimes relationships change, and even though mom and dad can fall out of love, they will still love their children unconditionally. Use physical displays like hugs and cuddles to show compassion. You can also try to bring out the benefits of the divorce – like having two houses where they will play, celebrate birthdays, and enjoy holidays.

Answer Their Questions

Divorce matters can be confusing and overwhelming for children at any age, leaving them with numerous questions. Be open to any questions they may have and provide honest responses. Be willing to address their fears and if you do not have a solid answer or explanation yet, let them know you will give it to them when you have it.

Check-in often to inquire how they feel and encourage them to ask about anything they may want to know. Divorce is a challenging transition that takes time to process, but with the right support system, your kids can pull through with less stress.

Focus On Stability

Stability and a solid structure are particularly beneficial to smaller kids. So as you deal with the dynamics of your divorce, try to focus on stability by maintaining the same activities, frequency of friends visiting your home, and expectations for chores to be completed. It's also essential to always keep your emotions in check when kids are around.

Create a realistic schedule for time spent in each household and stick to it. Remember that children need to feel safe, cared for, and loved by both parents. By providing a stable ground, you can help reduce their stress and enable them to adjust to the circumstances easily.

Seek Support from a Manhattan Divorce Attorney

At WertheimerLipton, we have been helping clients across Manhattan and Brookline to navigate their divorce affairs for decades. We use a comprehensive approach to provide powerful representation, solve complex matters, and deliver creative solutions. We will work with you to develop a tailored plan based on your situation and goals to ensure you get out of those challenging times stronger.

If you live in Manhattan and need the help of a Manhattan divorce attorney, we've got you covered at WertheimerLipton. Contact us today to discuss your divorce issues with our lead attorneys, Fred A. Wertheimer and Alexandria Lipton.